The Sexuality Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .

However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay males desire to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary sites for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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